Major Payne

A discharged Marine who's only skill is killing finds himself leading a group of misfits at a military school.

 Maj. Benson Payne: Damon Wayans, Col. Braggart: Ross Bickell, Emily Walburn: Karyn Parsons

affection_mp.wav Emily: He's just trying to show you some affection. Payne: I don't like it.  Makes me feel all funny.

agentorange.wav Payne: Let me tell you ALL something, war has made me very paranoid! And when a man gets to eyeballin' me it makes my Agent Orange act up, and I get the urge to kill!

ahphoie_mp.wav Payne: Ahhh phooie!

ainthappy.wav [gunshots] Payne: If he's still in there he ain't happy.

apology_mp.wav Payne: You think I owe you an apology?

bak2hell_mp.wav Student: Why don't you go back to hell where you came from?

beanstalk.wav Payne: Fe fi fo fum, what beanstalk you fall from?

BGSA.wav Payne: Blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere.

bubbapenis.wav Payne: When I come back, I 'll tell you what bubba used as a penis.

cant-feel-legs.wav Payne: I can't feel my legs.

chugatoot.wav Payne imitates a train.

damnskippy.wav Payne: Damn skippy.

dealingwithchildren.wav Emily: You see, now you're dealing with children.

deathwarr.wav Payne: Well that's one death warrant signed. Do I have any more volunteers?

didntstutter.wav Payne: I didn't stutter.

doughboy_mp.wav Payne: You know you remind me of the dough boy. If I poke your stomach, will it make you go [giggles].

fixup_mp.wav Payne: I'm gonna fix that up quick, fast, and in a hurry.

gamesbegin.wav Let the games begin.

gettinitch.wav Payne: It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man and already I'm starting to get the itch.

go-onnow_mp.wav Payne: You go on, now.

greenboys.wav Braggart: Oh, right, you're in charge of the green boys. Payne: Come Again? Braggart: The green boys. They wear those green things... You know, it's funny, when they stand in front of bushes... I can't see them.

hellobetty.wav Payne: Hello, betty.

hellogorgeous.wav Payne: Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to my party.

houseofpayne.wav Payne: Hello, cueballs. Welcome to the house of Payne.

hoveudonethis.wav Emily: Have you ever done this kind of work before?

issuewife.wav Payne: I figure if the marines wanted me to have a wife, they'd have issued me one.

jackass_mp.wav Payne: Why do I feel like a jackass?

littlepressure.wav Payne: Now, you may feel a little bit of pressure.

mrpeebody.wav Payne: What do you want, Mr. Peebody?

needkillin.wav Payne: Gotta be somebody needs some killing.

negative_mp.wav Payne: Negative.

notfrigid.wav Emily: And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictatorial, egomaniacal, frigid, lunatic, asshole! Payne: I ain't frigid.

notnegot_mp.wav Payne: It's not negotiable.

paintrick.wav Payne: Want me to show you a little trick take your mind off that pain?

posreinforce.wav Emily: Do you know what positive reinforcement means? Payne: Is that anything like when you take a P.O.W. and you snap his neck after you torture him so he don't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?

proceed_mp.wav Payne: Proceed.

sensitive_mp.wav Payne: sen-si-tive.

sirnosir.wav Payne: Sir, no sir.

sorrymrhcman.wav Payne: I'm sorry Mr. Handicap Man, I didn't mean to offend you.

sorry-your-a-turd.wav Payne: I'm sorry you're just a little turd that can't hold your liquid out in public. Now you get on out my face before I pick you up and toss you out that window.

ssnotsoggy.wav Payne: You're still a shit sandwich... you're just not a soggy one.

sttensquad_mp.wav Squad! Atteeen - Hut!

suggestion_mp.wav Emily: I'd like to make a suggestion.

sympathy_mp.wav Payne: You want sympathy? Look in the dictionary between shit and syphylis.

wannawrestle.wav Payne: That's a mighty fine handshake you got there. You wanna wrestle?

what2do_mp.wav Payne: What do you think I oughtta do with you?

whiteonrice_mp.wav Payne: Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snow storm. I will put my foot so far up your ass, the water no my knee will quench your thirst.

whosthedummy.wav Payne: Who's the dummy now?

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