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Top 100 TV Quotes & Catchphrases

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0700

On December 31, 2006, TV Land counted down the 100 Greatest TV Quotes and Catchphrases. I don't remember all of these (some of the shows I've never watched) and I'm not sure I agree with all of them and I think there are one or two left out, perhaps, but here is their list.

(if there is no link to the sound, they never actually played a clip of it)

#100 -- "Nip it!" (Barney Fife, "The Andy Griffith Show")

#99 -- "Yeah, that's the ticket" (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, "Saturday Night Live")

#98 -- "I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl ..." (Larry, "Newhart")

#97 -- "God'll get you for that" (Maude, "Maude")

#96 -- "I love it when a plan comes together" (Hannibal, "The A-Team")

#95 -- "This is the city ..." (Sgt. Joe Friday, "Dragnet")

#94 -- "Time to make the donuts" ("Dunkin' Donuts" ad)

#93 -- "Resistance is futile" (Picard as Borg, "Star Trek: The Next Generation")

#92 -- "Oh, my nose!" (Marcia Brady, "The Brady Bunch")

#91 -- "Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, "How I Met Your Mother")

#90 -- "Mom always liked you best" (Tommy Smothers, "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour")

#89 -- "Here it is, your moment of Zen" ("The Daily Show")

#88 -- "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 ad)

#87 -- "Hey now!" (Hank Kingsley, "The Larry Sanders Show")

#86 -- "That's hot" (Paris Hilton, "The Simple Life")

#85 -- "Just one more thing ..." (Columbo, "Columbo")

#84 -- "The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder, "The X-Files")

#83 -- "Welcome to the O.C., bitch" (Luke, "The O.C.")

#82 -- "You eeeediot!" (Ren, "Ren & Stimpy")

#81 -- "Now cut that out!" (Jack Benny, "The Jack Benny Program")

#80 -- "The tribe has spoken" (Jeff Probst, "Survivor")

#79 -- "Holy crap!" (Frank Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond")

#78 -- "Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")

#77 -- "I'm Rick James, bitch!" (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, "Chappelle's Show")

#76 -- "Denny Crane" (Denny Crane, "Boston Legal")

#75 -- "I know nothing!" (Sgt. Schultz, "Hogan's Heroes")

#74 – “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” (Jan, “The Brady Bunch”)

#73 -- "Good night, John Boy" ("The Waltons")

#72 -- "Let's be careful out there" (Sgt. Esterhaus, "Hill Street Blues")

#71 -- "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)

#70 -- "Schwing!" (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, "Saturday Night Live")

#69 -- "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" (Grey Poupon ad)

#68 -- "Tell me what you don't like about yourself" (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, "Nip/Tuck")

#67 -- "Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, "Welcome Back, Kotter")

#66 -- "Heh heh" (Beavis and Butt-head, "Beavis and Butthead")

#65 -- "Makin' whoopie" (Bob Eubanks, "The Newlywed Game")

#64 -- "Who loves you, baby?" (Kojak, "Kojak")

#63 -- "Gee, Mrs. Cleaver ..." (Eddie Haskell, "Leave it to Beaver")

#62 -- "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer ad) [Here's the new version]

#61 -- "Say good night, Gracie" (George Burns, "The Burns & Allen Show")

#60 -- "We've got a really big show!" (Ed Sullivan, "The Ed Sullivan Show")

#59 -- "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids" (Trix cereal ad)

#58 -- "Elizabeth, I'm coming!" (Fred Sanford, "Sanford and Son")

#57 -- "Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)

#56 -- "Don't make me angry ..." (David Banner, "The Incredible Hulk")

#55 -- "Hey HEY hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")

#54 -- "Have you no sense of decency?" (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)

#53 -- "Holy ____________, Batman!" (Robin, "Batman")

#52 -- "What you see is what you get!" (Geraldine, "The Flip Wilson Show")

#51 -- "Never assume ..." (Felix Unger, "The Odd Couple")

#50 -- "Tastes great! Less filling!" (Miller Lite beer ad)

#49 -- "You rang?" (Lurch, "The Addams Family")

#48 -- "Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, "Lost in Space")

#47 -- "How YOU doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, "Friends")

#46 -- "Is that your final answer?" (Regis Philbin, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire")

#45 -- "Read my lips: No new taxes!" (George H.W. Bush)

#44 -- "Two thumbs up" (Siskel & Ebert, "Siskel & Ebert")

#43 -- "You look mahvelous!" (Billy Crystal as Fernando, "Saturday Night Live")

#42 -- "I want my MTV!" (MTV ad)

#41 -- "Good night, and good luck" (Edward R. Murrow, "See It Now")

#40 -- "Stifle!" (Archie Bunker, "All in the Family")

#39 -- "Would you believe?" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")

#38 -- "Sock it to me" ("Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In")

#37 -- “…if it weren’t for you meddling kids!" (The bad guy, “Scooby Doo, Where Are You?”)

#36 -- "Well, isn't that special?" (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, "Saturday Night Live")

#35 -- "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, "South Park")

#34 -- "You've got spunk ..." (Lou Grant, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show")

#33 -- "Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, "In Living Color")

#32 -- "No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi, "Seinfeld")

#31 -- "It keeps going and going and going ..." (Energizer Batteries ad)

#30 -- "It takes a licking ..." (Timex ad)

#29 -- "Norm!" ("Cheers")

#28 -- "How sweet it is!" (Jackie Gleason, "The Jackie Gleason Show")

#27 -- "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports")

#26 -- "Smile, you're on 'Candid Camera' " ("Candid Camera")

#25 -- "Whassup?" (Budweiser ad)

#24 -- "De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, "Fantasy Island")

#23 -- "Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, "Saturday Night Live")

#22 -- "Live long and prosper" (Spock, "Star Trek")

#21 -- "And that's the way it is" (Walter Cronkite, "CBS Evening News")

#20 -- "Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, "The Price is Right")

#19 -- "Let's get ready to rumble!" (Michael Buffer, various sports events)

#18 -- "Good grief" (Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" specials)

#17 -- "Hey hey HEEY!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")

#16 -- "Yada, yada, yada" ("Seinfeld")

#15 -- "Book 'em, Danno" (Steve McGarrett, "Hawaii Five-O")

#14 -- "Space, the final frontier ..." (Capt. Kirk, "Star Trek")

#13 -- "We are two wild and crazy guys!" (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, "Saturday Night Live")

#12 -- "Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")

#11 -- "Aaay" (Fonzie, "Happy Days")

#10 -- "I'm not a crook ..." (Richard Nixon)

#9 -- "Yabba dabba do!" (Fred Flintstone, "The Flintstones")

#8 -- "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")

#7 -- "Where's the beef?" (Wendy's ad)

#6 -- "D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")

#5 -- "Ask not what your country can do for you ..." (John F. Kennedy)

#4 -- "Baby, you're the greatest" (Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners")

#3 -- "You're fired!" (Donald Trump, "The Apprentice")

#2 -- "One small step for man ..." (Neil Armstrong)

#1 -- "Here's Johnny!" (Ed McMahon, "The Tonight Show")

The 3 Stooges

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:09:20 -0700

1curly.wav - Curly's famous Nyuk Nyuk and laugh

3s_curly.wav - Curly's "wind up"

allyourfault.wav - Moe: This is all your fault, you!

brains.wav - Moe: I'd knock your brains out if you had any.

3rd Rock From The Sun

Sun, 28 Jan 1996 00:00:00 -0700

A group of aliens have come to Earth to learn about its population, customs, etc. To avoid detection, they have taken on human form which gives them human emotions, physical needs etc. WITHOUT the understanding of what they mean or the inhibitions normally present in humans.

Dick: John Lithgow, Harry: French Stewart, Sally: Kristen Johnston, Mary: Jane Curtain

anvil.wav - Harry: [cartoon sounds] "I gotta get me an anvil."

bogart_3r.wav - Dick: "Oooh. A doobie. Let's bogart that fat boy."

crapfest.wav - Mary: "Once again, something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crapfest."

dickseus.wav - Dick: "Not in the car. Not in the bar. Not in the house. Not up your blouse. I cannot touch you here or there, I cannot touch you anywhere."

freak_3r.wav - Dick: "You know you're a freak, don't you?"

gorgeous.wav - Dick: "You're GORGEOUS!"

harry_scream.wav - Harry gives a short scream.

hello_what.wav - Dick: "Hello, what do you want?"

im_out.wav - Harry: "I'm out! ... I'm outa the closet."

joint.wav - Dick: "Oooh. A doobie. Let's bogart that fat boy."

lizard.wav - Tommy: "It was a food court of mutants. A catalog of horrors. A freak show. And I was their lizard king."

looks_crappy.wav - Harry: "Hmmmmmmm.... Well, that looks pretty crappy."

nineties.wav - Dick: "This is the nineties, girlfriend."

nosir.wav - Harry: "Oh. Well, in that case... nosaaahhh."

quilt.wav - Dick: "The bathroom has been stocked with two kinds of toilet paper. I, and I alone, get the quilted kind."

real_woman.wav - "Well check you out. You look just like a real woman."

rhyme.wav - Dick: "And what if the rhyming were never to stop. On on and on 'till your head doth pop! Oh, look, a book. A book on schnook. What kind of crook took my schnook nook book? Perhaps, me thinks, thee hither yon thou. I think I'm going to have a FREAKING COW!!"

spanky.wav - Dick: "I-I-I-I-I feel so exposed, and vulnerable. But not in that fun, spanky way."

why.wav - Harry: "You killed her, you alien bastard. Why? WWWHHHHYYYY?"

women.wav - Harry: "Women... you can't live with them, yet,... they're everywhere."

3ROCK07.WAV Dick - "I'm not wearing any panties."

3ROCK09.WAV Sally - "C'mon boys, who wants meat?" Group - "I do I do!"

Addams Family

Tue, 28 Jan 1964 00:00:00 -0700

The misadventures of a blissfully macabre family.

adamstheme.wav - The Addams Family theme song

Adamsmail.wav - Morticia: Mail's in.

doesitmatter.wav - Wednesday: Are they dead? Pugsley: Does it matter?

mailz_in.wav - Morticia: Mail's in.

YOURANG.WAV - If you have to ask, you're too young to remember. Just play it. You won't be disappointed.

Battlestar Galactica

Sat, 28 Jan 1978 00:00:00 -0700

The last major Colonial fighter carrier leads a makeshift fleet of human refugees on a desperate search for the legendary planet Earth.

battle02.wav Cylon: "Extermination."

battle03.wav Cylon: "By your command."

battle06.wav Cylon: "Atlantia death squadron, attack."

battle07.wav Cylon: "Attention"

battle08.wav Cylon: "Fire aft mega-lasers"

battle09.wav Cylon: "It is done, imperious leader."

battle10.wav Cylon: Leave no survivors.

battle11.wav Cylon: Presenting his eminence, our Imperious Leader.

battle12.wav Cylon: See that the humans remain entertained until the end.

battle13.wav Lucifer: By your command.

battle14.wav Ending speech by Lorne Green.

battle17.wav Cylon: I'm sorry if you are displeased. There wasn't much of a selection.

battle18.wav Cylon: Did you hear a sound?

battle19.wav Cylon: Wait... Why did you put me back together?

byc.wav Cylon: "By your command."

extermin.wav Cylon: "Extermination."

gcylon.wav Cylon: Scan for identification.

info.wav Cylon: The information is not complete.

itisdone.wav Cylon: "It is done, imperious leader."

Cheers

Thu, 28 Jan 1982 00:00:00 -0700

The regulars of the Boston bar Cheers share their experiences and lives with each other while drinking or working at the bar where everybody knows your name.

blame.wav Frasier: How could I have been so blind? Lilith: Don't blame yourself. Diane: That's right. You can't blame anyone in these situations. Carla: He could blame you.

carla1.wav Carla: I cannot let any man touch me, talk to me or see me or I'll be shootin' out kids like a Pez dispenser.

carla2.wav Carla: Frasier you're brilliant. That is one of the most brilliant ideas you've ever had. And, you've had a lot of brilliant ideas. Frasier: Thank you, Carla. Carla: See, Woody, it works. Bonehead bought it.

cheer1st.wav Diane: Hello... Sam?... Are you Sam? Sam: Yes. Diane: Yes, he's here. Someone named Vicky. Sam: No no no no no.

chess2.wav Frasier: Woody, you must be an idiot savant. Woody: Yeah, but I cover for it by smiling a lot.

cliff1.wav Cliff: I'm ashamed God made me a man. Carla: I don't think God is doing a lot of bragging about it, either.

coach1.wav Coach: What I'd do was, I'd get up there and lean my body into a pitch. Well, sometimes I took one in the old melon. I really became a master. Here, try to miss me. Dianne: I'm not going to get it anywhere near him. Sam: That's the whole point... Dianne: [gasps] Coach: On my way to first!

coach2.wav Coach: The damndest thing, I've been shivering all the way over here. Dianne: Coach, you don't have a coat on. It's thirty degrees outside. Coach: Oh, thank God, I thought I had malaria.

coach3.wav Dianne: Coach, what do you do when you are so furious you just have to do something. Coach: I know you'd think it's kinda crazy, but I bang my head on the bar. Dianne: Sounds crazy to me but it might do me a lot of good right now. Coach: Okay [starts banging his head on the bar]

coach4.wav Coach: Cheers. Yeah, just a second. Is there an Ernie Patchesel here? Sam: That's you, Coach. Coach: Speaking.

dog.wav Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm. Norm: It's a dog eat dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing MilkBone underwear.

frost.wav Woody: Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose? Norm: Yep. Now let's get Mr. Beer nipping at my liver.

going_on.wav Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson.

johnhill.wav Sam: I think that's everybody. Hill: Sam... Sam: Well, almost everybody. Hill: Well, Sam, I see you monkeys have discovered fire. Would you like to come upstairs and see the damage at Melville's? Sam: Sure. It might even cheer me up.

norm1.wav Group: NORM!

norm2.wav Sam: What are you up to, Norm? Norm: My ideal weight... if I were eleven feet tall.

Commercials

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:00:23 -0700

Taglines and catchphrases from commercials

1few.wav be one of the few, the proud, the marines.

alkasel.wav - Speedy: Alka Selzer commercial

bbean.wav - Hey, who's rolling my beautiful bean footage? (Bush's baked beans)

beef.wav Where's the beef!? (Wendy's)

BEEF.WAV - Where's the beef? (Wendy's)

beef2.wav - Where's the beef!? (Wendy's)

budfrogs.wav Bud frogs.

budice1.wav - How's your Bud Ice? Dooby dooby do...

budliz10.wav - The bud lizards

buyacoke.wav "I'd like to buy the world a coke" jingle hook

i-luv-u1.wav Johnny: Well, dad. You're my dad... and I love you man. Dad: You're not getting my Bud Light, Johnny.

mamamia.wav Mama mia, that's a spicy meat-a-ball.

milk2.wav The original Aaron Burr "Got Milk?" commercial.

pizapiza.wav Little Caesar: Pizza pizza.

plop.wav Alka Selzer jingle.

From the infamous Taco Bell Chihuahua commercials.

biggerbx.wav - I think I need a bigger box.

BlessTB-TacoBell.wav - Bless you, Taco Bell

tacobell.wav Yo quiero Taco Bell.

want.wav

The Critic

Fri, 28 Jan 1994 00:00:00 -0700

Jay Sherman is a New York film critic who has to review films he doesn't like for a living.

critic02.wav This game... sucks!

critic04.wav Run for your life! Roseanne's on the loose!

critic05.wav I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.

critic06.wav I am NOT gay!

critic07.wav You're watching Fox... Shame on you.

Firefly

Thu, 12 Mar 1992 00:00:00 -0700

Five hundred years in the future there's a whole new frontier, and the crew of the Firefly-class spaceship Serenity is eager to stake a claim on the action. They'll take any job, legal or illegal, to keep fuel in the tanks and food on the table. But things get a bit more complicated after they take on a passenger wanted by the new totalitarian Alliance regime. Now they find themselves on the run, desperate to steer clear of Alliance ships and the flesh-eating Reavers who live on the fringes of space.

Captain Malcolm 'Mal' Reynolds: Nathan Fillion, Zoe Washburne: Gina Torres, Hoban 'Wash' Washburne: Alan Tudyk, nara Serra: Morena Baccarin, Jayne Cobb: Adam Baldwin, Kaylee Frye: Jewel Staite, Dr. Simon Tam: Sean Maher, River Tam: Summer Glau, Shepherd Book: Ron Glass, Saffron: Christina Hendricks, Badger: Mark Sheppard, Adalai Niska: Michael Fairman

10pctnothing_ff.wav Jayne: I don't understand why we didn't leave that SOB in a pool of his own blood. Mal: We'd be dead. Can't get paid if you're dead. Jayne: Can't get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug, neither. I got a share in this job and ten percent of notin' is... let me do the math here... nothin'... and then nothin'... carry the nothin'...

aintbright_ff.wav Patience: Now you just ain't very bright, are you?

ambassador_ff.wav Inara: I'd have to say this is the first time we've had a preacher on board. Book: Well, I wasn't expecting to see a state official, either... Ambassador. Mal: [laugh] Book: I'm missing something funny. Kaylee: Not so funny Inara: Ambassador is Mal's way of saying... Mal: She's a whore, Shepherd. Kaylee: The term is companion. Mal: I always get those mixed up. How's business? Inara: None of yours.

ambassret_ff.wav Wash: The ambassador has returned.

ambush_ff.wav Zoe: Nice place for an ambush. Mal: That it is.

badidea_ff.wav Mal: Well, you're right about this being a bad idea. Zoe: Thanks for saying, sir.

beingfollowed_ff.wav Wash: I don't mean to alarm anybody... but I think... we're being followed.

blackout_ff.wav Wash: Kaylee. Go to blackout. We're being buzzed.

boldmove_ff.wav Zoe: that's a bold move. Mal: I live on the edge. Jayne: [claps] Nice work, dumbass. Mal: I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location... maybe get a place in the middle.

brainmissing_ff.wav Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

callhimsir_ff.wav Wash: Don't forget to call him sir. He likes that.

callwin_ff.wav Jayne: As long as we got the goods, I call this a win.

chainofcommand_ff.wav Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here.

cheerful_ff.wav Jayne: Can you stop her from being cheerful, please. Mal: I don't think there's a power in the 'verse can keep Kaylee from being cheerful.

closedfist_ff.wav Mal: They tell you, never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is on occasion hillarious.

coatisbrown_ff.wav Drunk: Hey, you gonna drink to the Alliance with me? Six years today the Alliance sent the browncoats runnin'... pissin' their pants. You know, your coat is kin-of a brownish color. Mal: It was on sale. Drunk: You didn't toast. Y'know. I'm thinking you're one of them independents. Mal: And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an over abundance of schooling.

comewithus_ff.wav Kaylee: You're gonna come with us. Book: Excuse me?

confused_ff.wav Simon: I'm confused. No... wait... I think, maybe, you're confused.

confused2_ff.wav Simon: I'm confused.

crazyivan_ff.wav Wash: Kaylee, how would you feel about pulling a 'Crazy Ivan'? Kaylee: Always wanted to try one.

crazysleep_ff.wav Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep? Simon: I told him to sit down.

crybaby_ff.wav Wash: Engaging the crybaby.

dangerous_ff.wav Mal: Well, quite a lot of fuss. If I didn't know better, I think we were dangerous.

didajob_ff.wav Mal: I did a job. And got nothin' but trouble since I did it - not to mention a few unkind words in regards to my character. Let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. Then I get paid.

dont_ff.wav Inara: What did I tell you about barging into my shuttle? Mal: That it was manly and impulsive? Inara: Yes, precisely, only the exact phrase I used was, "don't!"

drunkscute_ff.wav Mal: Say that to my face. Drunk: I said you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you going to do about it? Mal: Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you. [Zoe hits drunk from behind] Drunks are so cute.

everyonehome_ff.wav Mal: Everyone's home, Wash, let's go.

fancyhat_ff.wav Mal: Maybe I'm not a fancy gentleman like you with your... very fine hat... but I do business. we're here for business.

fireup_ff.wav Wash: Kaylee, fire it up.

flybyaccident_ff.wav Wash: That's right, of course. 'Cause they wouldn't arrest me if we got boarded, I'm just the pilot. I could always say I was flying the ship by accident.

funchat_ff.wav Mal: When this is over you and me are going to have a personal chat. Simon: Won't that be fun.

fuss_ff.wav Mal: Did you send word to Patience? Wash: Ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you once? Mal: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

gentleman_ff.wav Inara: Mal, if you're being a gentleman I may die of shock.

getmoving_ff.wav Jayne: Gorammit, let's get us movin'!

getuphere_ff.wav Wash: Mal, you might want to get up here.

goingon_ff.wav Wash: What the chin sha da is going on in there?

gotgoods_ff.wav Mal: Okay, we get the goods, we're off this wreck and back on the ship.

grrargh_ff.wav Mutant Enemy tag at the end of the show "Grrr... Argh"

hangon_ff.wav Wash: Hang on travelers.

hangon2_ff.wav Wash: Everybody hold on to something.

headed_ff.wav Jayne: Where you think you're headed?

heroics_ff.wav Jayne: Time for some thrilling heroics.

hethens_ff.wav Mal: What about you, shepherd, how come you're flying about with us brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy wuzzy's or some such? Book: Oh, I got heathens a-plenty right here.

howgirl_ff.wav Wash: How's the girl? Mal: Still a little whimsical in the brain pan. Seems calm enough, though.

howugetthere_ff.wav Kaylee: So, ah, how come you don't care where you're going? Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.

humped_ff.wav Wash: Captain, we're humped.

imconfused_ff.wav Simon: I'm confused.

inair1min_ff.wav Wash: Reavers! Reavers. Incoming and headed straight for us. We are in the air in one minute.

inbound_ff.wav Wash: Captain we got incoming Alliance cruiser bearing right down on us.

indreams_ff.wav Mal: You servicing crew, now? Inara: In your lonely, pathetic dreams.

interestingday_ff.wav Mal: How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne? Jayne: Money wasn't good enough. Mal: What happens when it is? Jayne: ... Well... That'll be an interesting day. Mal: I imagine it will.

itsenough_ff.wav Simon: You had the Alliance on you. Criminals and savages. Half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives. Mal: We're still flying. Simon: That's not much. Mal: It's enough.

jobsdone_ff.wav Mal: Contact Badger, tell him the job's done... Don't go to mentioning the cruiser, though. Keep it simple.

killme_ff.wav Simon: How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep? Mal: You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed. Simon: Are you always this sentimental? Mal: I had a good day.

lawtrouble_ff.wav Agent: Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? Jayne: Gee, I never been in trouble with the law before.

leap_ff.wav Mal: I'm gonna make a leap, here, and figure this is your first tour out here on the border?

lectures_ff.wav Inara: So, would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways? Book: I brought you some supper. But, if you'd prefer a lecture, I have a few catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire... one has lepers. Inara: I think I'll pass.

letgomoney_ff.wav Patience: I got a rule. I never let go of money I don't have to.

letsdothis_ff.wav Mal: Fine. Let's do this.

localcolor_ff.wav Mal: Wash, we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss.

looksgood_ff.wav Wash: Everything look good from here.

losingmen_ff.wav Mal: How many more men you feel like losing today, commander?

lovecaptain_ff.wav Kaylee: I love my captain.

luckpattern_ff.wav Mal: You notice anything in particular about our luck these past few days? Any kind of pattern?

meetbook_ff.wav Kaylee: You're gonna come with us. Book: Excuse me? Kaylee: You like ships. You don't seem to be looking at the destinations. What you care about is the ships and mine's the nicest. Book: She don't look like much. Kaylee: Eh, she'll fool ya'... You ever sail in a firefly? Book: Long before you were crawling. Not a mark 3, though, didn't have the extenders. Tended to shake. Kaylee: So, ah, how come you don't care where you're going? Book:: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part. Kaylee: Are you a missionary? Book: Good guess. I'm a shepherd from the Southtown Abbey. Book. I'm called Book. Been out the the world for a spell. Like to walk it a while. Maybe bring the word to thems need it told. Kaylee: Well I'm Kaylee and this here's Serenity. And she's the smoothest ride from here to Boras for anyone who can pay. ... Can you... pay? ... or? Book: Well, I got a little cash and uh... Kaylee: Ooh! Grampa. Book: I never married.

misunderstood_ff.wav Mal: I misunderstood.

mouthtalking_ff.wav Mal: Your mouth is talkin' you might want to look to that.

mutbeneficial_ff.wav Inara: It's a mutually beneficial business arrangement.

myhero_ff.wav Book: That young man's very brave. Mal: Yeah, he's my hero.

nicestship_ff.wav Kaylee: You're gonna come with us. Book: Excuse me? Kaylee: You like ships. You don't seem to be looking at the destinations. What you care about is the ships and mine's the nicest. Book: She don't look like much. Kaylee: Eh, she'll fool ya'... You ever sail in a firefly? Book: Long before you were crawling.

nicework_ff.wav Jayne: Nice work, dumbass.

noargue_ff.wav Mal: I got no notion to argue this. In about two minutes this boat's gonna be crawling with Alliance.

nosy_ff.wav Mal: If anyone gets nosy, you know, just shoot 'em. Zoe: Shoot them? Mal: Politely.

nothing_ff.wav Jayne: It's impressive what nothing can do to a man.

notright_ff.wav Zoe: I know somethin' ain't right. Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right we'd be in jail.

notspecific_ff.wav Mal: Now, I gotta know how close the Alliance is, exactly how much you told them before Wash scrambled your call. So, I've given Jayne, here, the job of finding out. Jayne: He was not specific as to how.

onedge_ff.wav Zoe: that's a bold move. Mal: I live on the edge.

onerule_ff.wav Mal: That sounds like the Alliance. Unite all the planets under one rule so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally.

openstash_ff.wav Jayne: What was it? Mal: Open the stash, pull out the goods. Jayne: What?! We just got done putting it in! Mal: Yeah, and now I'm telling you to take it out again. Jayne: Why for? Mal: I got no notion to argue this. In about two minutes this boat's gonna be crawling with Alliance.

outfit_ff.wav Mal: You're a shepherd. Book: I thought the outfit gave it away.

outhere_ff.wav Book: This what life is?... Out here?

paid_ff.wav Wash: I hope we got paid today.

patience_ff.wav Mal: I'm thinking Whitefall, maybe talk to Patience. Zoe: Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience. Mal: Why not? Zoe: She shot you.

pointing_ff.wav Kaylee: Look... look... look where I'm pointing.

prepare2bboarded_ff.wav Alliance: Firefly-class transport, you are ordered to release control of your helm. Prepare to dock and be boarded.

presence_ff.wav Mal: Ah, the ambassador graces us with her presence.

putudown_ff.wav ???: I'm thinking, somebody needs to put you down, dog.

quiet_ff.wav Wash: If everyone could just be quiet a moment.

readyalways_ff.wav Mal: Ready? Zoe: Always.

reaverterritory_ff.wav Jayne: I ain't goin anywhere near reaver territory.

running_ff.wav Zoe: Wash, change course and go for hard burn. We're running.

samaritan_ff.wav Book: Shall I remind you of the story of the good Samaritan? Mal: I'd rather you didn't.

sayboo_ff.wav Niska: He likes to stand at the door and say 'boo.'

screaming_ff.wav River: Can't sleep, there's too much screaming.

shiny_ff.wav Kaylee: No, it's shiny.

shinyhat_ff.wav Kaylee: I'd sure love to find a brand new compression coil for the... Mal: Yes, and I'd like to be the king of all [not sure] and wear a shiny hat.

shootagain_ff.wav Mal: I believe that woman's planning to shoot me again.

shutmouth_ff.wav Jayne: How's about you shut that crazy mouth. Is that a fun game?

shutup_ff.wav Jayne: SHUT UP!

situation_ff.wav Mal: Thought we might have had a situation but it looks to be taken care of.

smart_ff.wav Simon: I am very smart.

sootfirst_ff.wav Jayne: Here's a little concept I've been working on: Why don't we shoot her first? Wash: It is her turn.

spacedim_ff.wav Mal: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart.

spacemonkeys_ff.wav Mal: Kaylee, what the hell's going on in the engine room. Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?

standinghere_ff.wav Jayne: Testing... testing, captain can you hear me? Mal: I'm standing right here. Jayne: You're coming through good and loud. Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here. Jayne: Yeah, but... the transmitters.

stature_ff.wav Simon: Curiosity, a woman of your stature falling in with... these types.

stowcrates_ff.wav Mal: Alright, let's get these crates stowed. I don't want any tourists stumbling over them.

suit_ff.wav Mal: Um, what are you doing here and what's with the suit?

supnumbers_ff.wav Mal: There's just an acre of you fellas, isn't there? This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers. Zoe: Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.

sweetgetaway_ff.wav Zoe: Still gotta drop the goods. Wash: And when we do, we'll fly off to Boros rich and prosperous. Well, less poor but with enough to find some sweet little getaway. Zoe: Oh, I wouldn't mind a real bath. Wash: And a meal that included some form of food.

thisland_ff.wav Wash: Yes, this is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land and we will call it... 'This Land.'

toopretty_ff.wav Mal: We'll hold this valley no matter what. Bendiss: We're going to die. Mal: We're not going to die. We can't die, Bendiss, and you know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.

uncomprehending_ff.wav Mal: This is the thing I see you're uncomprehending on.

washplays_ff.wav Wash: Yes, this is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land and we will call it... 'This Land.' I think we should call it your grave! Ah! Curse your sudden and inevitable betrayal. [laugh] Mine is an evil land. Now die! Oh, nogod. Oh, dear God in heaven!

whatsgoingon_ff.wav Jayne: What's going on? Mal: Well, right at this particular moment, I would have to say... not a thing.

whereru_ff.wav Wash: Where the hell are you guys!!

whoflying_ff.wav Zoe: Proximity alert. We must be coming up on something. Wash: Oh, my God! What can it be? We're all doomed! WHO'S FLYING THIS THING??!! ... Oh, right, that would be me.

wordsxchanged.wav Patience: I have to say I didn't look to be hearing from you any time soon. Mal: Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also, certain... bullets.

Friends

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:01:03 -0700

aroused.wav - Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?

Home Improvement

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:01:21 -0700

adctcars.wav

arugh.wav - Tim Allen's grunt from the opening of Home Improvement

binford.wav - Tim: And if it doesn't say Binford on it... somebody else makes it.

David Letterman

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:01:43 -0700

Lost In Space (TV)

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:02:22 -0700

danger_ls.wav Robot: Danger! Danger!

deadlydngr.wav Robot: You might be placing us all in deadly danger.

deprsinfo.wav Robot: Forgive me for revealing such depressing information.

desolate.wav Smith: What a dismal and desolate place. There's no sign of habitation anywhere.

findaliens.wav West: Come on, let's find those aliens who don't like us.

ihear.wav Alien: I hear and obey.

incomp.wav Smith: Careful, you incompetent imbecile.

knowprob.wav Alien: I know all about your problem.

lis018.wav Robot: Watch it, Will Robinson.

notcmpte.wav Robot: does not compute.

notconcern_ls.wav Robot: These things do not concern you.

nothngcn.wav Alien: Nothing can stop me.

notinvolve.wav Smith: I'm quite sure we can handle this situation without involving the others.

notnectrue.wav Robot: That is not necessarily a true statement.

sensrpleasd.wav Robot: My sensors are also highly pleased.

somuch2stand.wav Smith: There's just so much a man can stand.

somwayout.wav Dad: There must be some way out of this.

thisisfun_ls.wav Robot: This is FUN.

wgchase.wav Smith: This whole thing is an incredible wild goose chase.

The Magnifficent Seven

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:03:06 -0700

The short-lived television series starring Michael Biehn, Dale Midkiff, Eric Close, Anthony Starke, Andrew Kavovit, Ron Perleman, and Rick Worthy.

aintover.wav Wicks: This ain't over.

badboym7.wav Chris: I've been a bad boy.

camealong.wav - Buck: Good thing I came along. Chris: Good thing you did.

choosefights.wav - Chris: I have to choose my fights carefully these days.

cowboy.wav - Chris: did he just call me a cowboy, JD? JD: I think he did.

cowboy2.wav - Chris: d'you just call me a cowboy?

gobackm7.wav - Chris: Take my advice, go back where you came from.

letsdom7.wav - Chris: Let's do this.

likesmem7.wav - Ezra: But he likes me.

m7ezracolonel .wav Ezra: Never thought I'd wear the Union blue, but I always did fancy being a colonel.

m7frog,locust.wav Ezra: Well, then I fully expect that we will be inundated by frogs, locusts, and other unspeakable pestilence in a matter of moments.

m7greatwarrior.wav Ezra: You shall grow to be a great warrior. Big, strong and fearless.

m7hotbath.wav Chris: Gochaves' gang. Ezra: Don't imagine there here to take a hot bath, either.

m7motherbad.wav Ezra: And I thought my mother was bad.

m7no.wav Ezra: No. I said no, is that clear?... the answer is no.

m7nothingtochance.wav Ezra: Well, sir, I abhor gambling, and as such, leave nothing to chance.

m7onyourhorses.wav Ezra: Well, on your horses boys... That's good. Nathan: Go easy on that stuff.

mstkpoint.wav - You're makin' a big mistake pointin' that thing at me.

myob.wav - Wicks: I'd advise you to mind your own business, friend.

nofightyet.wav - I was just sayin'... that it ain't your fight. Chris: Not yet.

Obsessions-Courage.wav Ezra: Courage, Ezra... courage.

outamindm7.wav - Buck: Are you outa your mind?

persmatter.wav - This a personal matter? Chris: Not yet.

regretm7.wav - Chris: I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this.

rememberedm7.wav - Chris: It's nice to be remembered.

righteousfight.wav - Josiah: Sounds like a righteous fight.

saloonclosed.wav - Judge Travis: The saloon is closed, gentlemen. Bad guy: Too bad, I could really use a drink.

Serpents-Other-peoples-money.wav Ezra: In the future, I believe it would be best just not to... uh... burden me with other people's money.

suggesting.wav - Mary: I'm not telling you what to do. Chris: You suggested awful strong.

voteconfid.wav - Ezra: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

whereamim7.wav - Judge: Where am I?

News Radio

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:03:49 -0700

1983.wav "I, uh... I... I spent half of High School playing Stargate Defender... Two solid years." "Two years, huh?" "Mmm, hmm" "Well, you musta been pretty good. What was your best score?" "1,248,500 March 7, 1983."

Seinfeld

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:04:22 -0700

assman.wav

BACON.WAV - Kramer: She can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan.

Stargate SG-1

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:04:47 -0700

Col. Jack O'Neill - Richard Dean Anderson, Dr. Daniel Jackson - Michael Shanks, Capt./Maj./Lt. Col. Samantha Carter - Amanda Tapping, Teal'c - Christopher Judge, Maj. Gen. George S. Hammond - Don S. Davis, Dr. Janet Fraiser - Teryl Rothery, Sgt. Walter Davis/Harriman - Gary Jones

Episode 1: Children of the Gods

24hours_sg1.wav - Hammond: I'll give you exactly 24 hours to either return or send a message through.

adoreyou_sg1.wav - Carter: you know, you really will like me once you get to know me. Jack: Oh, I adore you already, Captain.

alwaysdothat_sg1.wav - Does that thing always do that?

amazing_sg1.wav - Carter: Oh my God. This is amazing.

beenherebefore_sg1.wav - We have to take a second elevator from here, sir. It's a long way down. Jack: Yeah, I know. I've been here before.

besick_sg1.wav - Carter: I think I'm going to be sick.

biglunch_sg1.wav - Carter: I think I'm going to be sick... Ugh... Jack: Maybe you shouldn't have had that big lunch, huh?

bookjoke_sg1.wav - Hammond: did you ever think about writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty? Jack: I've thought about it, but then I'd have to shoot anybody who actually read it.

cantbe_sg1.wav - Carter: I don't think that can be, Dr. Daniel: Why not?

cantdothat_sg1.wav - Jack: General, you can't do that!

chev4_sg1.wav - Sgt: Chevron 4 encoded.

chevlock_sg1.wav - SFX Sound of a chevron locking in.

closingiris_sg1.wav - Sgt: Closing iris [sfx of iris close]

danieljackson_sg1.wav - Hammond: Tell me about Daniel Jackson, Colonel. Jack: Daniel was a scientist. He sneezed a lot. Basically he was a geek, sir.

dont-touch_sg1.wav - What are you doing? Don't touch it!

elevatordoor_sg1.wav - SFX of elevator door.

explainconcept_sg1.wav - Hammond: Care to explain this concept?

figureout_sg1.wav - Kawalski: Okay, so what did we just figure out?

gateclose_sg1.wav - SFX of wormhole closing

gateclose2_sg1.wav - SFX of wormhole closing

gateclose3_sg1.wav - SFX of wormhole closing

gateclose-announce_sg1.wav - [SFX of wormhole closing] Sgt: Wormhole disengaged.

gateopen_sg1.wav - SFX of wormhole opening

gateopen2_sg1.wav - SFX of wormhole opening

gatetravel_sg1.wav - SFX of travel through gate

gatetravel-short_sg1.wav - SFX of travel through gate (short version)

gearout_sg1.wav - Jack: Okay, people, let's get the gear out. Let's move.

goinon_sg1.wav - Daniel: What's going on, Jack?

goodspot_sg1.wav - Kawalski: This looks like a good spot right up here.

herewego_sg1.wav - Jack: Oh, here we go.

iamajaffa_sg1.wav - Teal'c: I am a jaffa. Bread to serve so that they may live.

icansavethem_sg1.wav - Jack: I CAN SAVE THESE PEOPLE... HELP ME!!... help me. Teal'c: Many have said that... [staff weapon fire] But you are the first I believed could do it.

irisclose_sg1.wav - SFX of iris closing

irisopen_sg1.wav - SFX of iris opening

itsimportant_sg1.wav - Samuels:He says it's important. It has to do with the Stargate.

jaffa-kri_sg1.wav - Apophis: Jaffa, kri!

ladiesfirst_sg1.wav - Jack: Captain? Carter: Don't worry, sir, I won't let you down. Jack: Good. I was going to say 'ladies first'

letmebecynic_sg1.wav - Samuels: What if the aliens get it? Jack: Well, they could be blowing their noses right now. Samuels: They could be planning an attack. Jack: Oh, come on, Samuels, let me be the cynic around here, okay?

http://wavs.unclebubby.com/wav/TV/StargateSG1/01ChildrenoftheGods/look@this_sg1.wav - Carter: My God. Look at this.

macguyver_sg1.wav - Carter: This is how they controlled it. It took us 15 years and 3 supercomputers to MacGuyver a system for the gate on Earth.

moonshine_sg1.wav - Jack: Moonshine? Scara: Moon-shine? Jack: Yeah, moonshine, as in booze... Daniel, what are you teaching these kids?

nohuman_sg1.wav - Dr: They're not human. Jack: Ya think?

notaccurate_sg1.wav - Jack: I regret to inform you that my report was not entirely accurate.

nowayout_sg1.wav - Jack: If there's a way out of here, I haven't found it yet.

now-we-wait_sg1.wav - Hammond: Now what? Jack: Now we wait.

now-what_sg1.wav - Hammond: Now what?

objectinabados_sg1.wav- Sgt: The, um, 'object' should reach final destination in 5 seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1... [wormhole close] The object should now be through the Abados Stargate.

overourheads_sg1.wav - Hammond: People, let's not fool ourselves here. This thing is both vast and dangerous and we are so far over our heads we can barely see daylight.

permission_sg1.wav - Jack: Permission to take a team through the Stargate, sir.

scientists_sg1.wav - Carter: I'm an Air Force officer, just like you are, sir. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle. Jack: Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman... I like women... I've just got a little problem with scientists.

sealgate_sg1.wav - Samuels: Sir, the deadline has been reached. Standing by to seal off Stargate, sir.

smooth_sg1.wav - Jack: Smooth... very smooth.

stayatmyplace_sg1.wav - Teal'c: I have nowhere to go. Jack: For this, you can stay at my place. Let's go!

takechances_sg1.wav - Teal'c: In exchange for carrying the infant go'aould until maturity, a jaffa receives perfect health and long life. If I were to remove it, I would eventually die. Jack: Well, if I were you, I'd take my chances.

takeseats_sg1.wav - Hammond: Gentlemen, take your seats.

weakness_sg1.wav - Jack: I had a moment of weakness.

whdisengaged_sg1.wav - Sgt: Wormhole disengaged.

wormholedisengaged_sg1.wav - Sgt: Wormhole disengaged.

yathink_sg1.wav - Dr: They're not human. Jack: Ya think?

Episode 2: The Enemy within

alert-destruct_sg1.wav Hammond: ALERT! All defense teams standby! set the base auto-destruct countdown at three minutes.

bargein_sg1.wav Jack: Permission to barge in, sir?

bugs-windshield_sg1.wav Jack: Well, there've gotta be worse ways to go, I suppose: Daniel: You don't think the Gou'aoulds are sending people through, do you? Jack: Be like bugs on a windshield.

closingiris_sg1.wav Sgt: Closing the iris! [SFX iris close]

doorhit_sg1.wav Hammond: Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

headache_sg1.wav Hammond: This job give me a headache, too.

inboundtraveler_sg1.wav Sgt: Alert! Inbound traveler. Repeat, inbound traveler.

interrupting_sg1.wav Jack: Hey... am I interrupting anything? Teal'c: Yes.

irishold_sg1.wav Daniel: So, this iris is going to hold, right? Carter: Pure titanium less than 3 micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate. Jack: So, this iris is going to hold, right?

kindofofficer_sg1.wav Hammond: Just WHAT kind of an officer are you?

persistent_sg1.wav Kawalski: Damn, those Gou'aoulds are persistent, aren't they? Jack: I think we pissed them off.

scaringme_sg1.wav Kawalski: This is scaring me big time.

standdown-abort_sg1.wav Hammond: Alright, stand down from alert and abort the countdown.

stereo_sg1.wav Jack: I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me: Kawalski: We're friends. Jack: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?

tealcpledge_sg1.wav Teal'c: I offer my knowledge of the Gou'aoulds. I offer my skills as a warrior in defeating them. I pledge my honor and my life to this world.

wormholeclose(2)_sg1.wav [SFX wormhole closing]

Episode 3: Emancipation

jackmotivates_sg1.wav Jack: So, when your back's up against the wall and there's no tomorrow, just take one day at a time and remember... the bigger they are... etcetera.

nochance_sg1.wav Jack: Oh, there's not a chance in hell.

obedient_sg1.wav Chief: You will learn your place and be obedient or you will suffer far worse than a beating.

oprah_sg1.wav Carter: So, you think this new anesthesia will be a new miracle drug on Earth? Daniel: Well, if it is, I bet somebody else will get the credit. We can never say where it came from. Jack: Damn. I'm gonna have to cancel that Oprah interview. Teal'c: What is an Oprah?

satisfied_sg1.wav Are you satisfied?

shutmeup_sg1.wav Carter: Here's your chance to shut me up once and for all.

signsoflife_sg1.wav Daniel: There's no signs of human life.

worstcase_sg1.wav Daniel: How is it you always come up with the worst-case scenario? Jack: I practice.

Star Trek

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:05:15 -0700

Sounds from the original series, The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Voyager, and Several Movies.

2captain.wav Worf: Bridge to Cpt. Picard

39point1.wav Picard: Seal off deck 16. Post security teams at every access point. Worf: I, sir. Picard: Mr. Hawk, before we lost internal sensors, what were the exact environmental conditions in main engineering? Hawk: Atmospheric pressure was 2 kilopascals above normal, 92% humidity, 39.1 degrees celcius. Picard: 39.1 degrees... like a Borg ship.

4bhither.wav McCoy: You think this is it's way of saying "Hi there"

4KPARK.WAV Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked.

ACCESS.WAV Data: Accessing

aleak.wav Cochran: I gotta take a leak. Geordi: Leak? I'm not detecting any leak? Cochran: Don't you people from the 24th century ever pee? Geordi: Oh... 'leak'... I get it. That's pretty funny.

alphabet.wav Crusher: So much for the Enterprise E Picard: We barely knew her. Crusher: Do you think they'll build another one? Picard: There are plenty of letters left in the alphabet.

anxiety.wav Data: Captain, I believe I am experiencing... anxiety. It is an intriguing sensation

April42063.wav Data: April 4th, 2063

arm.wav Picard: Arm phaser banks and photon torpedoes.

asimlate.wav Worf: Assimilate this!

ASREAL.wav Q: This is as real as your so-called life gets.

assist-mono.wav Sulu: Do you require... assistance.

Beam.wav Picard: Beam me up, Scotty.

beendam1.wav Seven: I've been damaged.

Borg.wav Queen: I am the borg.

borginva.wav Picard: Captains log, stardate 50893.5. The moment I have dreaded for nearly 6 years has finally arrived. The Borg, our most lethal enemy, have begun an invasion of the Federation. And this time there may be no stopping them.

Bravest.wav Picard: I think you're the bravest man I've ever known.

busidone.wav Garrack: Gentlemen, I don't know about you but my business here is done.

c619.wav Worf: It is a good day to die.

classcom.wav Computer: Hello. I am the classroom computer system. What can I do for you today?

classgam.wav Computer: Would you like to play a game? (Does this sound familiar?)

classsor.wav Computer: I'm sorry but I can't do that. (This should sound familiar too)

comets.wav Riker: Captain, why are we out here chasing comets? Picard: Let's just say that Starfleet has every confidence in the Enterprise and her crew, they're just not sure about her Captain. They believe that a man who was once captured and assimilated by the Borg should not be put in a situation where he would face them again. To do so would introduce an unstable element into a critical situation. Riker: That's ridiculous. Your experience with the Borg makes you the perfect man to lead this fight. Picard: Admiral Hayes disagrees.

Compexit.wav Picard: Computer: Exit.

DAMITJIM.WAV McCoy: Dammit, Jim, what the hell's the matter with you?

DATA.WAV Data: I am designed to exceed human capacity both mentally and physically.

databan.wav Data: Abandon ship. This is not a drill.

databye.wav Data: Good night, Captain. Sleep well, sir.

Deactiv.wav Picard: Perhaps you should deactivate you emotion chip for now.

Deactiv2.wav Picard: Perhaps you should deactivate you emotion chip for now. Data: Good idea, Sir.

DEPART.WAV Control: This is control, Enterprise. Permission to depart granted. (in stereo)

depart-mono.wav Control: This is control, Enterprise. Permission to depart granted. (in mono)

discon.wav Picard: Computer: Discontinue program.

doctor1.wav McCoy: I'm a Doctor, not an Engineer. Scotty: Now, you're an Engineer.

energize.wav Picard: Energize.

Energize02.wav Picard: Picard to Enterprise: Energize.

engage2.wav Picard: Engage.

engaged.wav Picard: Engage!

ENHANCE.WAV Sulu: Magnify. Computer: Computer enhancement.

enlarge.wav Picard: Enlarge and identify.

entstory.wav Dukat: This is a very entertaining story but why am I listening to it?

error1.wav Nomad: Error... Error... Examine.

explain.wav Picard: Explain.

FEAR.WAV ???: What do you see? LOOK AROUND! These are CHAOTIC times, Captain. I'm simply an instrument of my time. People need to understand fear. Do you understand fear?

feltlike.wav Troi: I've never felt anything quite like this before.

futile.wav Locutus: Resistance is futile.

Futile02.wav Locutus: Resistance is futile.

gd_day2die.wav Worf: It is a good day to die.

GEORDI02.WAV Geordi: This is impossible.

GEORDI03.WAV Geordi: What am I supposed to tell the Captain? It's possible and yet, it's not possible.

getoffbr.wav Picard: Get off my bridge!

Goodtime.wav Picard: Try and look as if you're having a good time.

greatman.wav Riker: Someone once said, "Don't try to be a great man: Just be a man. Let history make its own judgments." Cochrane: That's rhetorical nonsense. Who said that? Riker: You did. Ten years from now.

Hedead.wav Picard: He's dead, Jim.

hellocmp.wav Scotty: Hello, computer.

hotdamn.wav Cochrane: A group of cybernetic creatures from the future have traveled back through time to enslave the human race and you're here to stop them? Riker: That's right. Cochrane: Hot damn, you're heroic.

Iambegin.wav Queen: I am the beginning. The end. The one who is many.

idontpla.wav Worf: I do not play with toys.

inerlite.wav The song Picard learned during his "other life" experience. with some dialogue following. [If you have a better recording of this PLEASE let me know!!]

jimqust.wav McCoy: Jim, what are you doing? Kirk: I'm asking a question.

KIDDING.WAV Sulu: Are you kidding?

KIRKHERE.WAV Kirk: Kirk here.

kirkqust.wav Kirk: I AM asking how, mister. I want answers.

LEARNTYP.wav Chakotay: I see you never learned to type.

lifeover.wav Locutus: Your life, as it has been, is over.

linedraw.wav Picard: The line must be drawn here.

Locutos-resist.wav Locutus: Resistance is futile.

LOCUTUS.WAV Locutus: I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile.

locutus02.wav Locutus: I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile.

Locutus1.wav Locutus: I am locutus. Resistance is futile.

locutus2.wav Locutus: You will disarm all your weapons and escort us to sector 001 where we will begin assimilating your culture.

mailworf.wav Worf: Captain. Incoming message.

makeitso.wav Picard: Make it so.

makeitso2.wav Picard: Make it so.

Mccoy-deadimposs.wav McCoy: He's dead, Jim. Kirk: But that's impossible.

MSHOWER.WAV Sulu: Don't tell me that was any meteor shower.

nolngr.wav Picard: This is no longer amusing.

NZONE1.WAV Klingon: Obey treaty stipulations and remain outside the neutral zone.

NZONE2.WAV Klingon: Remain outside the neutral zone.

physical.wav Queen: Are you familiar with physical forms of pleasure? Data: If you are referring to sexuality, I am fully functional: Programmed in multiple techniques. Queen: How long has it been since you've used them? Data: 8 years, 7 months, 16 days, 4 minutes, 22... Queen: Far too long.

picrd2.wav Picard: Yes, I know that, Data, but what could it be?

plsmeet.wav Garrack: It was a pleasure meeting you.

powerl.wav Scotty: Captain. We're losing power in the warp engines.

powrdown.wav Riker: Power down and disengage.

proceed.wav Picard: Proceed.

Prosper.wav Spock: Live long and prosper.

REALMONY.WAV McCoy: I'd give real money if he'd shut up!

recaccod.wav Garrack: Ironic, isn't it? The only place in the galaxy that still recognizes my access code is a Bajoran space station.

redalert_trek.wav Picard: Red alert! All hands to battle stations.

repmalf.wav Seven: There is a malfunction. I am attempting to repair it.

Resistance1.wav Borg: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.

resist-hugh.wav Hugh: Resistance is futile.

restance.wav Borg: We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.

retship.wav Picard: Mr. Data and I are returning to the ship.

rockroll.wav Riker: Everybody ready to make some history? Geordi: Always am. Cochrane: I think I forgot something. Riker: What? Cochrane: I don't know. It's probably nothing. Troi: Begin ignition sequence... (begins countdown) Cochrane: Oh, God! Now I remember! Geordi: What? Cochrane: Where is it? Geordi: What!? Cochrane: We can't leave without it. Riker: Geordi, we've got to abort! Chochrane: NO. No, wait, I found it. (countdown continues) Chochrane: Let's rock and roll! ["Magic Carpet Ride"]

scott.wav A montage of Mr. Scott giving grim news of ships status.

scotty02.wav Sulu: She's supposed to have transwarp drive. Scotty: Aye. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon.

scotty1.wav Scotty: Don't do it, Captain.

scotty2.wav Sulu: She's supposed to have transwarp drive. Scotty: Aye. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon.

scotwarp.wav Kirk: Scotty. I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead.

Sensat.wav Data: It is an intriguing sensation.

SHIELDS.WAV Sulu. Shields. SHIELDS!!

shields-mono.wav Sulu. Shields. SHIELDS!! (in mono)

shutupws.wav Picard: Shutup Wesley!

stos0041.wav Nomad: Biological units are inherently inferior. This is an inconsistency.

ST-SEX.WAV Alien Female: Commander, tell me about your sexual organs.

tempted.wav Data: She brought me closer to humanity that I ever thought possible and, for a time, I was tempted by her offer. Picard: How long a time? Data: zero point six eight seconds, Sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity.

tosfight.wav The Star Trek fight music

upyours.wav Scotty: Up your shaft.

urdrunk.wav Troi: Will, I think we have to tell him the truth. Riker: If we tell the truth, the timeline... Troi: Timeline!? This is no time to argue about time. We don't have the time... What was I saying? Riker: You're drunk. Troi: I am not. Riker: Yes you are. Troi: Look, he wouldn't even talk to me unless I had a drink with him. Then, it took three shots of something called tequila just to find out he was the one we're looking for. I spent the last 20 minutes trying to keep his hands off me. So, don't go criticizing my counseling techniques.

WARF03.WAV Warf: There's nothing more to be said.

warp-9.wav Picard: Increase to warp 9.

we-borg.wav Hugh: We are Borg.

Worf-honour.wav Warf: This is a great honor.

Star Trek: Enterprise

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0700

A prequel series, set 100 years before the original Star Trek series, which focuses on the early years of Starfleet, leading up to the formation of the Federation and the Earth-Romulan Wars. The series is set aboard the Earth ship Enterprise NX-01, captained by Jonathan Archer.

Cpt. Archer: Scott Bakula, Dr. Phlox: John Billingsley, Sub-Cmdr T'pol: Jolene Blalock, Lt. Reed: Dominic Keating, Ensign Mayweather: Anthony Montgomery, Hoshi: Linda Park, "Trip" Tucker: Conner Trinneer

36millkps_ent.wav Archer: It's easy to get a little jumpy when you're traveling at 36 million kilometers per second: Should be old hat in a week's time.

7ftklingon_ent.wav Archer: A 7 foot Klingon doesn't go unnoticed.

analysis_ent.wav Archer: I want a complete analysis of that disturbance.

bigger_ent.wav Archer: You'd better be careful. I'm a lot bigger than you are.

come2bridge_ent.wav T'pol: If you're feeling well enough to come to the bridge, Captain, now would be a good time.

comein_ent.wav [SFX] Archer: Come in

comp-pause_ent.wav Archer: Computer, pause.

crudemetaphor_ent.wav Phlox: Your metaphor is crude... but accurate.

datastream_ent.wav Reed: Don't think I'm quite ready to have my molecules compressed in to a data stream

deflector_ent.wav Reed: Pardon me but if I don't realign the deflector, the first grain of space dust we come across will blow a hole in this ship the size of your fist.

doingbest_ent.wav Hoshi: I am sorry, Captain. I'm doing the best I can.

doorchime_ent.wav SFX - door chime

eatinghabits_ent.wav Trip: Grandma taught me never to judge a species by their eating habits.

enlightened_ent.wav T'pol: You humans claim to be enlightened, yet you still consume the flesh of animals.

fraganalysis_ent.wav T'pol: Lieutenant, run a spectral analysis of the fragments.

goingin_ent.wav Archer: Bring the weapons online. Polarize the hull plating. Lay in a 60 degree vector. We're going in.

harming_ent.wav T'pol: If you're thinking of harming me, I'd advise against it.

howlong2earth_ent.wav Archer: How long before we get back to Earth?

interference_ent.wav Mayweather: The storm's kicking up too much interference.

ishedead_ent.wav Archer: Excuse me. Is this man dead?

lrscans_ent.wav Archer: Go to long range scans

moveincloser_ent.wav Archer: Move us in closer

necessary_ent.wav Trip: Is this really necessary?

nochance2fail_ent.wav Trip: Captain Archer deserves a chance to see this through. If you knew him, you'd realize that's what he's about: He needs to finish what he starts. His daddy was the same way. T'pol: You obviously share your Captain's belief that my people were responsible for impeding Henry Archer's accomplishments. Trip: He only wanted to see his engine fly. They never even gave him the chance to fail. And here you are, 30 years later, proving just how consistent you Vulcan's can be.

noscrewup_ent.wav Admiral: Don't screw this up.

nvrhappened_ent.wav Archer: That's... never happened before.

offensive_ent.wav T'pol: I've been trained to tolerate offensive situations.

oklaklingon_ent.wav Starfleet: It's a Klingot. Vulcan: A KlingON. Archer: Where'd he come from? Starfleet: Oklahoma.

onearthtoolong_ent.wav Archer: When your logic doesn't work you raise your voice? You've been on Earth too long.

onmyway_ent.wav Archer: On my way.

phasepistols_ent.wav Reed: They're called phase pistols. They have two settings; stun and kill. It would be best not to confuse them.

ready4warp_ent.wav Trip: Ready when you are. Archer: Prepare for warp. Mayweather: Course laid in, Sir. Request permission to get underway.

ready4warp-full_ent.wav Trip: Ready when you are. Archer: Prepare for warp. Mayweather: Course laid in, Sir. Request permission to get underway. Archer: Let's go. [warp SFX]

recalsensors_ent.wav Archer: Recalibrate the sensor array. Narrow band, short to mid range.

reslog_ent.wav Archer: Resume log.

restraint_ent.wav Archer: You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knocking you on your ass.

right2know_ent.wav With all due respect, we have a right to know what's going on here.

scratchedpaint_ent.wav Archer: Great... You scratched the paint. Trip: Sorry.

sharpenteeth_ent.wav Reed: There's no chance I can have these weapons online in three days. Mayweather: We're just taking a sick man back to his homeworld. Why do we need weapons? Reed: Didn't you read the profile on these Klingons?... Apparently they sharpen their teeth before they go into battle.

takeherout_ent.wav Archer: Take her out, Mr. Mayweather. Straight and steady.

targetscanners_ent.wav Archer: How are your targeting scanners? Reed: Aligned and ready.

thatlbeall_ent.wav Archer: That'll be all.

time2swim_ent.wav Admiral: For nearly a century, we've waded ankle-deep in the ocean of space. Now it's finally time to swim.

upsidedown_ent.wav Trip: You're upside-down, ensign. Mayweather: Yes, sir. Trip: Care to explain why?

xfered_ent.wav T'pol: This confirms that I was transferred to your command at 08:00 hours. Reporting for duty.

Star Trek Sound Effects

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:07:10 -0700

Sound effects from various Trek series and movies.

beep.wav beep1.wav button.wav chime.wav clicking.wav

comdoor.wav doorbell.wav entwarp.wav forcefld.wav holodoor.wav

klindoor.wav ktorp.wav nomfire.wav nomprobr.wav offhail.wav

qnttorp.wav ralert.wav replic.wav secalarm.wav shuddwn.wav

st6alarm.wav tngrepl.wav toscom.wav toshail.wav tos-scan.wav

toswhistle.wav transpor.wav tranup.wav trekdoor.wav trekdoor2.wav

trezap.wav turbolft.wav voycom.wav vyphaser.wav warpdrv.wav

weapons.wav whistle.wav ambbrdg5.wav ambbrdg7.wav c830.wav

call.wav mute.wav st-beep.wav stbutn2.wav communic.wav

door-tng.wav launsnd.wav medscan1.wav phaser1.wav phaser2.wav

REDALRT.WAV sfxbe~19.wav shldup.wav Shwinn.wav st4com.wav

Star Trek Computer

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:07:46 -0700

The Star Trek computer voice

10sec.wav Final warning: primary power offline in 10 seconds.

accdefia.wav Please identify for access to USS Defiant

acknow.wav Acknowledged

affiimat.wav Affirmative

allnesc.wav All necessary modifications have been completed.

alpha1.wav Zimmerman program Alpha-1 is now complete

alphaone.wav Priority clearance recognition Alpha-1

audesarm.wav Auto destruct sequence armed

authoriz.wav Authorization akcnowledged

autoshut.wav Auto shutdown sequence in progress. Defensive systems offline.

autshut.wav Auto shutdown sequence in progress.

baddisk.wav Emergency Alert

c123.wav Warning

c134.wav Standby

c23_work.wav Working

c301.wav Automatic defense procedures initiated.

c302.wav Direction unclear. Please repeat request.

c327.wav There are no records matching that name.

cali.wav Calibration is locked and normal. Diagnostic underway.

code.wav Enter authorization code.

collapse.wav Warning. Containment field has collapsed.

commcode.wav Please input command codes.

commoff.wav Communications offline.

compinp.wav Do you wish to input any commands?

compship.wav Warning: Disabling lateral EPS relays may disrupt computer functions throughout the ship.

correct.wav That is correct.

danger_trek.wav Danger: Approaching safety limits of engine containment field.

DATAXFER.WAV Transfer of data is complete.

diagcom.wav Diagnostic complete. Sensors are functioning normally.

dirunc.wav Direction unclear: Please repeat request.

evacuate.wav Evacuate bridge. Deck 1 life support failure in 30 seconds.

HOLODECK.WAV Program complete. Enter when ready.

incomingsig.wav Incoming subspace signal.

insdata.wav Insufficient data.

install.wav Please specify parameters.

intdam.wav Unable to comply. Internal scanner relays have been damaged.

intlkest.wav Interlock established.

logcompl.wav Logon complete.

logsacc.wav Logs accessed.

No_comply.wav Unable to comply.

notexist.wav Specified program does not exist.

overload.wav Warning: Input overload.

pilot.wav The automatic pilot system is not functional.

plsrecom.wav Please restate command.

power.wav Emergency power engaged.

progcomp.wav Program complete.

restate.wav Please restate a single question.

selfdestinitiated.wav Warning: Self destruct sequence has been initiated. Warp core overload in 4 minutes, 55 seconds. There will be no further audio warnings.

shut30sc.wav Primary power offline in 30 seconds.

shutmin.wav Auto shutdown in progress. Primary power offline in 1 minute.

stabilityloss.wav Stability loss was due to an impact by a subspace interphase pocket

standby.wav Computer standing by

st-neg.wav Negative

st-temp.wav No temporal anomalies have been reported

trancomp.wav Transfer complete

trandata.wav Transfer of data is complete

unabcomp.wav Unable to comply

working_trek.wav Working. Affirmative.

Miscellaneous Television

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:08:06 -0700

Presented here, for your enjoyment, are a series of wav files from television shows that I either could not attribute to any specific show or for which there weren't enough files to warrant the show having its own page. If you know which show a particular sound is from, please let me know.

aaawwyeaaaaaah.wav - Awwwwwww Yeeeaaaaahhh (unknown)

abfix.wav - Archie Bunker: So why don't you fix it, meathead, huh? (All in the Family)

abthat.wav - I didn't say that. (unknown)

abthrill.wav - That was so thrilling. (unknown)

abturn.wav - Archie Bunker: The world keeps turning and every time it turns it leans on me. (All in the Family)

ADDER01.WAV - Look, am I paying for this personal abuse or is it extra? (The Black Adder)

ADDER20.WAV - Orik, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good. (The Black Adder)

alfa.wav - And if you're wondering if we ever picked up three underage girls in Georgetown, gotten drunk and then crashed their dad's Alpha Romeo, I would have no idea what you're talking about. (unknown)

aquaman.wav - Aquaman! You go.... talk to some fish [laughter] (unknown)

ASSKICKN.WAV - I do the ass kicking around here! (unknown)

atmyage.wav - Granny: At my age, you gotta take your fun where you can find it. (Beverly Hillbillies)

bangzoom.wav - Bang! Zoom! (The Honeymooners)

BEACH.WAV - This island that you own. Is it, ah, near the beach? (Married, With Children)

beatle18.wav - I'm Ringo and I play the drums. (unknown)

bhthis.wav - Granny: What have I done to deserve this? (Beverly Hillbillies)

bigoc.wav - What's the big occasion? (unknown)

bionicfx.wav - Bionic sound effect from The 6 Million Dollar Man

blows.wav - This place blows! (unknown)

bobbafett.wav - Hey, Boba Fet. (unknown)

bras.wav - Peg: I don't know why we even need bras. Al: I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat. (Married, With Children)

breasts.wav - Duckman: Uhhh, sorry, I didn't hear you. I was staring at your breasts.

BROGERS.WAV - Opening from Buck Rodgers in the 25th Century (the whole song)

BTCHY.WAV - My, aren't we a witsy bitsy bitchy this evening? (unknown)

buckleup.wav - Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're going for a ride. (unknown)

BUH-BYE!.WAV - SNL plane sketch - "Buh bye."

BULWNK12.WAV - Boy this stuff is terrible. (sounds like Bullwinkle but I'm not sure)

burn.wav - 1: Bob, mind if I smoke? Bob: I don't care if you burn! (unknown)

BUSTED.WAV - Oh man, mine's busted. (unknown)

candaspy.wav - Excuse me? Listen, if you are insinuating that I am a spy, or that any member of my family is a spy, then you're way off base. Look, just because we're Canadian does not mean we are spies! (unknown)

cburger.wav - Judge: Order in the court. Female: I'll have a cheeseburger.

CNDYASS.WAV - You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass. I hope you know something about hand-to-hand combat! (Beavis and Butthead)

CONTROL.WAV 3rd Rock: Okay, that's it. You are officially out of control.

CRELM.WAV Crelm toothpaste, with the miracle ingredient, fraudulen.

crushing.wav Kids in the Hall: I'm crushing your head.

CURLY1.WAV Curly: I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens.

CYLON.WAV By your command

DEAD1.WAV Joe: Hey,Mo, Larry. I cut my head off. I'm dead.

dharma06.wav Kitty Montgomery: Oh, dear God, just let the earth open up and swallow me.

DIENOW.WAV You're gonna die now

doom.wav You guys wanna play Doom?

dragnett.wav Dragnet theme